I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
