My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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