I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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