i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
