you guys were way drunker than both of me
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
