My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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