I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
