First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
