So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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