My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
we're so committed to being not committed
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
