enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
