I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
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We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
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I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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