She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
