it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
