I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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