I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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