its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
