Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
