when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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