its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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