i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
