My liver just broke up with me...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
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I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
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The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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