Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
A+ Viking dick
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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