The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
