and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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