he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
