thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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