She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize