i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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