She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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