hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
