I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
