There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize