i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If that was your dad, he is hot
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
