My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
it's great music for shaving your balls
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
