I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
