You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
