The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We got so high we made milksteak
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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