watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
