Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Randomize
