I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I have fence marks all over my body
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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