A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize