Non-Jews are for practice
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think your dad took our porno
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
