Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
