Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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