I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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