thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
