peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
