Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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