just come out here and I will go home with you...
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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