I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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