Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
