What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
