Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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