hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
