Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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