Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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