Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
