Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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