at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
