Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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