Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
